I wrote this poem after my second baby was born. When I was at my most vulnerable, so many well-meaning (I'm assuming) people reached out offering to help me get my body back after having Joy. Everything was leaking, none of my clothes fit, my hair was falling out, I wasn't sleeping, and in all honesty, the thought of getting my body back was not on my radar because my body had never left. It was just responding to the hard work it did growing and birthing and nourishing a baby. There was nothing wrong with it then, and there's nothing wrong with it now.
I know who I am, and with God's grace I can be better. But 2020 will not make me a gym rat, obsessed with inches and lost pounds. I will never be that person. If you are, I am happy that you found something you love and can invest in yourself that way. But that's not for me, and I am old enough and honest enough with myself to realize that now. Every year, I make a resolution to lose weight. Not to feel better or live longer, but because I want to fit into the frame of a much smaller person. That is not a good reason for me to lose weight, and I will not make it my goal this year. My word for 2020 is "gratitude," and I pray the Lord helps me live with a filter of gratitude over everything in my life. We should all do that every day. And that might mean that I strive to treat my body as a temple and nourish it with good things and move in new ways because I am grateful for what God has allowed my body to do, and I can always treat it better. But I will not shrink myself for the purpose of making others comfortable or to comply with an impossible standard of beauty. I will not let that be my example to my girls. Maybe this year you could give yourself some grace. I plan to do so for myself.
In 2020, I hope to be grateful in all things, and with that gratitude will come honesty and vulnerability. Over the past six months, I have been writing more than I ever have, and I want to share that with y'all. I've always tried to be honest and mostly transparent online, but these writings will probably be more open than I've ever been. Y'all might end up knowing more about me than you'd care to know :)
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